Vande Mataram...

Vande maataram.. Vande maataram... 
Sujalaam sufalaam malayaj sheetalaam 
Sasyashyaamalaam maataram 
Vande maataram... 

Shubhrajyotsna pulakit yaaminiim 
Phulla kusumita drumadal shobhiniim 
Suhaasinim sumadhura bhaashhinim 
Sukhadaam varadaam maataram.. 
Vande maataram.. Vande maataram...


This famous portion of our national song is what I have attempted to start with.... As happens in the start of every endeavour, after the beginning, the rigour is lost and sadly but truly so was it in my case too. Everyday after office work, I could not persuade myself to practise in the evening as I had promised myself initially. But with the limited practice I hope I have not grossly failed in this first song...

                              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvS7T8f9jkk


Why did I choose this? Hmmm. familiar, easy to start with are some of the obvious reasons but there has been an instance in my life where in I have questioned my identity. When you meet someone the first few questions obviously and surely includes... "So where are you from?"  Well one might think isn't that easy to answer...  Well till a certain point it was, where in I used to answer very confidently " I am from Kerala" of course because Kerala is where I used to visit during my 2 month summer vacation and Kerala was where my grandparents were and again where all my relatives were and because we spoke Malayalam at home inspite of having stayed in various cities across India.Somewhere in my journey till my 12th std, I also got to spend 3 years in Kerala and I consider myself lucky for having got a chance to learn to read and write in my mother tongue... So one may ask, then what is this all about?

Well this is about the time when I faced an identity crisis.... So here I finish my schooling from AP and land in one of the most reputed engineering colleges in India. Being in a new city, making new friends was not new to me, but being away from home was a first. The bubbly me, the talkative me, the over-enthusiastic me was seen walking around the campus in the initial few days, a  quieter self, not sure whom to talk to and whom not to. Because all this while, I would talk to all and jump around and make a lot of noise, quite conscious of the fact that by 6 pm, I would be resting in the peace and comfort of the quiet little corner of my room. But things here were not so, forget the peace and quiet I didnot even own a corner of a room... Damn I still get a creep when I remember how miserable I felt back then...

So in middle of all this I see people making friends/groups (the words seemed interchangeable in college hence I have put it so) and that's when I decided if I donot seem to be getting the cosy comfort of my room let me atleast get the cosy comfort of a group. Now this was new me to again. In a class of 20/50 I was almost friends with everyone and talked to everyone and in case I had to share secrets or any special news, I always had my best friend, so I was never used to choosing groups. Well here we didnot even have a proper class system (Strange but true- you may be registered in a certain section but you could choose to attend some other section or not attend any section at all) So while I was still figuring out how to go about it in the ocean of 950 students, the committee/club memberships started. Ohh yes here was the way to go about getting your groups. After attending tons of meetings, sessions, meetings again I was back to square one!

Then came the cultural associations. Ohh yes I thought again, now I surely am going the right way. I very happily accepted my first invite to the Telugu association meet  ie. the Telugu speaking guys or popularly called the Gults (Of course I had landed there from AP right!) So I land up there and find tons and thousands of people.... So much for my search for a group of friends to spend my 4 years with. The sheer size of it made me run away. I get my next invite from the Malayali association, yes Malluland, where I belong or so I thought till my first interaction.

I turn up at the first meeting. Small group of 25 30 people...(thank god I thought in my mind) and then we have our round of introductions. So there were about 10 to 12 of us, freshers. So in this group of freshers, there were 2 other girls who had studied outside Kerala like me. So when it came to my introduction and I started off with "I am blah blah and I have come from AP...." "Ohh pseudo mallu" says a voice. I pause for a second. What was that? Pseudo what? I mean, I am from Kerala like any of you, then how on earth am I a PSEUDO MALLU. Anyway I swallow my feelings with a smile and continue, " But in Kerala, I am from so and so city..." " Where in the city?" a voice abruptly cuts me. Now I was thinking what the hell was that. Did I not clearly say that I stay in AP.Then what exactly am I supposed to say to that. Again I swallow those feelings with another smile and say" My maternal grandparents stay at X and paternal at Y". Now this is followed by a roar of laughter and comments like " Who says like that".

I started wondering... Should I really stick on here... The other 2 pseudo mallus had had enough. They didnt turn up for the next meeting which obviously meant I had chosen to turn up and well my reason was simple...my batchmate fellow mallus were a nice bunch.... friendly and funny.So I decided the odds were for it and I plunged headlong into the group. Yes the journey post that... through my 4 years... That's a long one and we have a long way to go so I guess would not be writing any more now.... I did have my share of resistances and taunts from even some of them from my close sub-group of 10 (my batch mallu group)... Those were few and far between in that lovely, wonderful journey with them which still continues, but  back then those did feel bad whenever they happened...

All these questions and resistances and taunts did leave a few unexpressed feelings in my heart which has made me write this piece. Are all of us not Indians? India is known for its unity in diversity and if so, where do these lines and boundaries come up... In Chak de, the players are made to say that they are from India... I would never have realised the importance and relevance of that unless I had not gone through this... I am proud of the fact that I am one of the fortunate few to have lived in several cities within India, to have savoured the various cultures. I laugh at myself at those various times when I retorted, by trying to prove that I was a "Mallu", to a taunt of being called a "Gult" ...

Who really cares... I am an Indian and I am proud to be so...

Mother, I salute thee!
Rich with thy hurrying streams,
bright with orchard gleams,
Cool with thy winds of delight,
Dark fields waving Mother of might,
Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,
Over thy branches and lordly streams,
Clad in thy blossoming trees,
Mother, giver of ease
Laughing low and sweet!
Mother I kiss thy feet,
Speaker sweet and low!
Mother, to thee I salute.......

Introduction....

Well...where do I start? This is my very first attempt at blogging or in other words putting down some of my thoughts on a public forum. I do write my dairy... Not so frequently though....

Well then what has motivated me to start this is a good question to start off with.
As the blog title reads, listening to music and singing are things that I enjoy. I cannot imagine a world without music and I am sure it would be so with you too. For those who believe that it is not so, I would say maybe it's just that you haven't heard the right kind of music. What I mean by the right kind of music is the kind of music that you associate yourself with. I firmly believe that although you have different kinds of music that go along with your different moods, there would be that one basic kind of music that would be your identity, that defines you as a person.
 As a child my parents used to force me to attend the weekend classical music classes and I used to go there diligently albeit with a grumpy face. Back then, I never realized that I was among the lucky few to have the gift of a decent voice and the training to connect the same with the right tone and rhythm. And since I did not realize that soon enough, I had given up the training after a few years. Now after more than a decade since that has happened, I wish I could turn back time... And since I do not have a time machine, here is what I intend to do till I am able to get back to learning music again....

My aim is to pick up a song every week, practise it and finally record it (maybe on my laptop or mobile so that would be without any background music). Ummm... and also write about songs, in the sense how maybe through its lyric or tone or mood, that song reminds me of various aspects/incidents of my life and maybe in that process get to introspect myself too.... Let us see how this attempt goes on.... Hope I do a decent job in this journey of self introspection and self discovery.... Would love to hear from any of you as I embark on this journey...

PS: I intend to keep my identity under cover because I believe it gives me much more freedom to write openly (oh in this case also sing openly :) )